I was just checking my Spamgourmet stats. Over 60% of my spam is directed at addresses I've used when leaving comments on other blogs. What does this mean? Two things.

1. Spammers are grabbing your email address from blog comments
2. You need to know about Spamgourmet

I've hyped Spamgourmet in the past, but I'm going to give you the whole technical overview now. Why? Because I use it, it's free, and it works.

Spamgourmet isn't a filter. You don't add it to your email and watch it unsuccessfully try to block spam. If you have an email address that's already flooded, it won't help you. If you're planning on creating a new address, or have an email that is spam free, then you shouldn't be without it.

What it does is let you create email addresses on-the-fly, as you need them, automatically. You don't even have to re-visit the Spamgourmet site. Email sent to this new address is automatically forwarded to your real address. Furthermore, you specify how many emails the address will accept before it automatically self-destructs. You can even "refill" an address if you want to keep it around.

Spamgourmet keeps track of the addresses you create, and how many messages a particular address has forwarded. In the case of self-destructed addresses, it counts how many spams it has deleted.

That's right. Not only does it block the spam, but you also get to see who the culprit was that gave away your address in the first place! I love that feature.

Geek Intermission: Elephants, on average, weigh less than a blue whales tongue.

As an example, you're signing up for a free on-line game. It asks you for your address so it can send you a password. You'd usually hesitate to give out an address, but not with Spamgourmet. For an address, you type in 'coolgame.5.mySGaccount@spamgourmet.com'.

The first time the site sends and email to that address, Spamgourmet creates the new address, forwards the email, and sets it to a maximum of 5 mails. When you receive a message via Spamgourmet, the subject line tells you how many emails the address has left.

You can even do cool things like add "approved senders" that don't count against the limit, you can increase or decrease the limit, disable and re-enable accounts, use different domains if you don't like 'spamgourmet.com' (e.g. I use xoxy.net) even send mail via Spamgourmet to conceal your real address. You even get the side effect that if you ever change your "real" address, just change it at Spamgourmet to match and all your email is sent to the new address. Never send out change-of-address notices again.

I even use if for my friends and parents. They're exclusive senders, so I never have to reset them. If they happen to use the address to send me a "e-card" or other spam magnet, I can just send them a new address and disable the other one.

You probably think I'm associated with Spamgourmet in some way. Not at all. It's just one of those services that is so good (and, did I mention free) that I think the least I can do is spread the word a bit.

I'm thinking it's time for another guest host. If you're a regular reader, or even if you've just stumbled across my blog today, you're eligible. Would you like to write an entry and have me post it on my blog? Now is your chance.

If you happen to have a blog of your own, I'll post a shameless link with your guest post. Hopefully that'll send a little extra traffic your way.

If you are interested, send an email with your proposed topic to:



There are no restrictions on topic, length or anything else, but I'm a bit of a stickler for spelling and grammar. If you spell your words using numbers, your chances are slim.

I'll reply to everyone who sends an email, then notify the winner in about a week or so.

I don't know if any of you remember The Two Ronnies. Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett had a very popular comedy show on TV many years back. It was one of the shows I tried very hard never to miss when I was a kid. I recently saw Ronnie Corbett on TV, and he told a joke that I'm going to shamelessly steal and post here.

An elderly gentleman puts on his jogging suit and heads out for his daily jog. As he runs through town, he takes a moment to stop in at the green-grocers to pick up an apple. While he waits in line, he drops down and does 45 push ups.

"How old do you think I am?", he asks the grocer.
"Oh, I don't know. About 63?", answers the man.
"87!", replies the old man proudly as he pays for his apple.

He jogs happily along for a short while more. He decides he'll turn around and head back towards home, but first he takes a moment to stop in at the butchers. As he waits in line he again drops down and does 45 push ups.

"How old do you think I am?", he asks the butcher.
"If I had to guess, I'd say about 65...", says the butcher.
"I'm 87!", he proudly exclaims as he heads out to finish his run.

As he approaches the road towards his house, he notices an old lady standing at a bus stop carrying her days shopping. He jogs up to her, does 45 push ups, and springs to his feet with vigor.

"So... how old do you think I am?", he asks with a grin.
"I'm not sure," says the old lady, "hold my shopping bags for a moment."

The second he has both arms full of shopping, the old lady slips her hand down the front of his jogging pants. With a pensive look on her face, she has a really thorough grope. The old man is too shocked to do anything. After a minute or two she removes her hand and takes back her groceries.

"W... well?", he asks, "how old do you think I am?"
"87.", says the lady with assurance.
"How in the world did you figure that out?!", asks the man.
"I was in the butchers.", she says

It seems that I may have overestimated my readers. Here is one more movie quiz, but I've adjusted the skill level appropriately. Hopefully we'll get some higher scores.

As always, try to guess the movie based on the quote. The answer is inside the square brackets to the right of the answer. Highlight the gray box to reveal the answer. Leave a note (Shout back) saying how many you got right.

1. We'll meet again Spider-Man [Spider-man]
2. The Terminator is out there! [The Terminator]
3. It will be classified 'The Andromeda Strain' [The Andromeda Strain]
4. What is the Matrix? [The Matrix]
5. I want you to meet daddy's nemesis: Austin Powers [Austin Powers]
6. Donnie Darko? What the hell kind of name is that? [Donnie Darko]
7. The world is not enough [The World is Not Enough]

Just a quick entry today. American Idol is finally over. Unfortunately, I'm sure it will be back. Like toe fungus.

Just an idea. Combine American Idol with the movie Gladiator. If you sing, and you suck... you die.

At the end, even if you've survived all the way through hundreds of votes, if the audience wants to they can have you killed anyway.

Paula: That was amazing!
Randy: You da moose! (...rat ...dog. Whatever the fuck he says.)
Simon: You sounded like a cow with a vets' arm up its ass... [BLAM!... thud]

See. I'd watch that.

Well, since that last little quiz generated a lot of hits, let's try another. It makes for a relaxing blog visit for this long weekend, if nothing else.

This time around, let's take a run through my DVD collection. See if you can identify the movies from these brief quotes. Keep track of your score and leave a comment.

As with yesterday's post, the answers are next to the quotes. Highlight the gray area as if you were cutting and pasting it. That will reveal the answer in most browsers. If not, try cutting and pasting this whole entry into a text editor like notepad.

1. All other priorities rescinded [Alien]
2. Nobody tosses a dwarf [The Lord of the Rings]
3. This is your receipt for your husband [Brazil]
4. Call me Snake [Escape From New York]
5. In the water I'm a very skinny lady [The Poseidon Adventure]
6. Run, runner! [Logan's Run]
7. A nice warm vibraty feeling all through your guttiwuts [A Clockwork Orange]
8. You're a monster, Zorg [The Fifth Element]
9. You need an Americano with balls, Senior Escobar [Blow]
10. "More human than human" is our motto [Blade Runner]
11. It's the vacation of a lifetime [Westworld]
12. Die Sauerkraut ist in mein Lederhosen [Top Secret!]
13. Monsters! Monsters from the id! [Forbidden Planet]
14. Never give up. Never surrender! [Galaxy Quest]
15. It's a penis stretcher. Want to try it? [Real Genius]
16. What knockers! [Young Frankenstein]
17. Mongo only pawn in game of life [Blazing Saddles]
18. Birdy Num-Nums [The Party]
19. We can't stop here. This is bat country. [Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas]
20. My brain! It's my second favorite organ! [Sleeper]
21. Say hello to my little friend [Scarface]
22. They're gonna need some more FBI guys [Diehard]
23. Become vengeance, David. Become wrath. [Se7en]
24. They don't have a name for what he is [The Silence of the Lambs]
25. Can we try with real bullets now? [Léon: The Professional]
26. This is one building I figured would never burn [The Towering Inferno]
27. I never did mind about the little things [The Point of No Return]

Time for a little retro quiz. I considered collecting emails with the answers, or perhaps having people post their guesses. Of course, the answers are all on the internet, so there is no way to tell if someone just did a Google search.

This is just for fun anyway, so why worry about it? I placed the answers in the gray boxes following each phrase. Highlight the gray box as if you were cutting and pasting it. On most browsers that will cause the answer to show up. If not, just cut and paste the whole article into a text editor like Notepad. The answers will then appear.

Keep track of your score, and post a comment (Shout back) saying how many you got correct. Don't check the comments until you're done. I hope people will reminisce a bit, so some answers my be posted in the comments.

How many of these T.V. shows can you identify? No peeking.

1. Furple Fodder [J.P.Patches]
2. Oh, Mr. Grant [The Mary Tyler Moore Show]
3. Carlton the Doorman [Rhoda]
4. That, that would be me [The Bob Newhart Show]
5. Weezy [The Jeffersons]
6. Up your nose with a rubber hose [Welcome Back Kotter]
7. Transmute! [Battle of the Planets]
8. F.A.B. [The Thunderbirds]
9. Softness in his eyes, iron in his thighs [The Mighty Hercules]
10. Nanu, Nanu [Mork and Mindy]
11. We can rebuild him [The Six Million Dollar Man]
12. One man can make a difference [Night Rider]
13. Tweeky [Buck Rogers in the 25th Century]
14. Moffit [Battlestar Galactica]
15. Sleestack [Land of the Lost]
16. Mypos [Perfect Strangers]
17. Stringfellow Hawke [Airwolf]
18. Pinky Tuscadero [Happy Days]
19. Ringers Lactate and D5W [Emergency!]
20. Alpha Base to Eagle 1 [Space: 1999]
21. Band of brothers, marching together [Rocket Robinhood]
22. Gordon Sims [W.K.R.P in Cincinnati]

You know what would really suck? If you had to, oh, I don't know, sit adjacent to someone really annoying at work. Not that I do, or anything like that. I'm just saying. If I were to find myself in such a theoretical situation, I bet that person would have a habit of starting one sentence and then finishing another.

Something like this conversation that, as far as you know, is completely fictional:

It's a bit, uh... you'll notice that I. When you do, uh. So there you go! It's not working so I. Yeah no. A favor. It's going to need to be. Could you reboot... yeah no.

The only thing that could make listening to that sort of thing all day any worse would be if it was combined with some sort of annoying habit. The habit would have to be obtrusive, but not so much so that the person was aware they were doing it. I'm not sure what that habit would be. If I had to fabricate such a habit, I guess I'd go with something like constantly tapping their feet to imaginary music and kicking the cubicle divider. Yes. If that were ever to occur, that would be particularly irritating.

Yeah, yeah no. (Thump) But yeah no. (Tappity-tap) Yeah I uh the original idea. (Clunk-tap-thunk) I think this'd work. We could heh yeah no. It (tap) should (tap) just (tap). No it doesn't (clunk bang). There we (whack) go!

Boy. If that situation were to ever exist in real life it sure would suck. Yes, sir. It would really, really suck. Really. Suck. I sure am glad that's not me. Fuck.

TLC just showed a very interesting documentary on The Moscow Theatre Siege (Google). On October 25^th, 2002 the Moscow Theatre was taken hostage by Chechnyan terrorists. The Russians, admittedly at a loss of a safe way of rescuing almost 1000 hostages, released knock-out gas into the theatre. After an hour-long wait, they stormed in without any immediate incidents.

After the siege, the Russians would not identify the drug that was used. It had killed 119 of the hostages, and there was obviously an outcry. They said the drug was an opioid, hinted at Fentanyl, but would give no other details. They followed with vague excuses as seems pretty normal for the Russian government seen from a Western perspective.

Those in the know determined fairly quickly that Fentanyl was unlikely to be the drug. They would have had to vapourize at least 50 pounds of the liquid to get an effective dose. Something stronger would have been used. The strongest derivative of Fentanyl known in the West is Carfentanyl (Fentanyl with an extra carbon). It's one hundred times more powerful than Fentanyl so they would have been able to deliver a good dose quickly. However, for humans the safe dose would be so critical that anyone in the theatre not exactly the "average person" used in the dosage calculation would have died of respiratory failure.

A German chemist recently discovered that he could add an experimental stimulant called BMU8 to Carfentinyl and drastically reduce the breathing impairment without reducing the anesthetic effect. The Russians may have beaten him to this discovery.

The Russians may have actually found the "holy grail" of a powerful, quick, knock-out drug that didn't impare breathing, but it may have turned out that "safe" means "only 15% lethal". The consensus now seems to be that any knock-out gas used in such an uncontrolled environment will kill a percentage of the people. For example, simply being unconscious with your head slumped forward (drug or no drug) puts you at a real risk of suffocating.

The Russians waited over an hour once they released the drug before going in, but at the time that seemed reasonable. That may have been the main mistake, but they had to ensure those near the bombs were unconscious. They were near the center of the theatre (far from the air vents used). They were also young and healthy meaning they would likely require a larger dose to ensure they were out. The post-siege triage was also completely disorganized, but by then it was probably too late.

The question left unanswered was did they do the right thing? That's a tough call. The terrorists had several huge bombs, the theatre layout prevented a surprise attack, and the they had already killed one person. My impression was that any other move would have resulted in many more than 119 deaths, but I'm not a relative of one of those who died.

One of the interesting little tidbits that I forgot to mention in this earlier blog entry was a conversation I had with the specialist after my ERCP.

He walked into the recovery room and asked how I was doing. I mentioned I was doing well and that I had just woken up.

Much to my surprise he said that I hadn't been asleep at all. I would have bet any money that I'd slept through the entire procedure. It sure felt that way. He said if I had they probably wouldn't have been able to do the procedure properly.

The injection that they give you is just Valium and a pain killer (usually morphine for an ERCP). The Valium is a fairly high dose, but doesn't put you to sleep. What it does do for a lot of people, however, is shut off the brain's ability to store short-term memories.

Through the whole procedure you are reacting to commands (e.g. "roll on your back", "tap my arm if this hurts"). You can't speak during the procedure because of the endoscope in your throat, but you can once you're in the recovery room. That's when things get amusing.

Most people remain awake. They'll ask the nurse the same questions over and over again. Often dozens of times, and often in a loop. You ask a question, the nurse answers, you ask a second, get an answer. You've already forgotten (or, more properly, never remembered) that you asked the first question, but the second answer reminds you that you want to ask it.

The nurses usually just answers over and over again like nothing is wrong.

On his way out, I asked, "Did I remember to thank you personally?". He answered, "Yep. Lots of times."

Is that cool or what? I think I'll go watch "Memento" again...

What's bugging me at the moment? If you're a regular reader, you won't be surprised that it's a commercial. If TV reduces your intelligence, you just know the ad writers are targeting the very lowest common denominator. There's a candy bar being advertised right now. Every time I see it, I can feel my brain shrink.

Girl 1: Don't bite it!
Girl 2: What?
Girl 1: Just put it on your tongue and let it melt.
Girl 2: Ok. Mmm. Wa is tha?
Girl 1: It's a cat turd!
Girl 2: I wuv cat turd! It's got kitty witter!
Girl 1: I wuv kitty witter!

Why can't North American TV get those cool European commercials that we always get emailed to us at work by our slack-off friends?

Ok... just a little something off topic. As blog authors, we all get strange search engine referrals in our stats. I got one today that I feel requires a reply in the name of being a good internet citizen:

    BLEEDING WHEN SHOUTING, SHOULD I WORRY?

Assuming you're still alive, then the answer to your question would be:

    Uhhhhmmm.... Yes. Yes you should.

A while back (ok, ages ago), I wrote an entry about an interesting artist I saw profiled on TV. His name is Vik Muniz (Google).

Well, they've done a great job updating his web page.

I encourage you to visit. Stop by the gallery and browse the scrolling year-bar at the bottom of the page. This lets you view how his art has changed over the years. Take the time to click the "listen" button on some of the pages, too.

Some of the really cool ones are:

• "The Best of Life"
  He redrew all the pictures from that famous "The Best of Life" magazine completely from memory.
• "Pictures of Wire" and "Pictures of Thread"
  He made art from thread and wire then photographed it.

While I'm on the art subject, my favourite artist is still Alex Colville (Google). His "Horse and Train" is my favourite painting.

Ok, ok. Everyone has been asking me for an explanation of my absence. Here's that explanation as a series of links. If you like medical stuff, you'll have a blast. Some of these terms are worth the price of medical insurance.


GERD
Pantoprazole Sodium Sesquihydrate
Acute Pancreatitis
Ultrasound
Endoscopic Retrograde Cholangiopancreatography
Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy

I'm fine now. Most of the time I spent in the hospital was just waiting for an infection to clear. When I checked in through emergency they let me right in without waiting. I thought that was odd, but the nurse said being bright yellow, covered in sweat, and shivering was a pretty good indication of something wrong.

I got some blood work done, and the ER doctor stopped by to see me. He said, "You have a very impressive white count. You're not going home today." (My white count was 39 which is apparently extremely high).

I had the ERCP that night where they removed 5 gall stones. That relieved all my symptoms. I sat around for 4 days waiting for the antibiotics to clear my pancreatic infection.

I then went in for my surgery on Saturday afternoon and was home feeling completely normal Sunday morning. Not even any stitches. Just Steri-strips ("SuperGlue Bandaids"). At most, it felt like I'd just had my belly button pierced.

As a bonus; I live in Canada so it was all free. We don't even see any paperwork for non-elective surgeries.

Oh, and I have two of the gall stones if someone wants to make earrings or something.

This is the sort of thing my mind comes up with at 2:00AM when I can't sleep:

Phil Zimmermann has left instructions that, upon his death, he is to be cremated and his hashes encrypted.

I'm back! Well, probably not as frequently as times past, but I'll try to post one a week at least. Sorry to those of you who emailed void2.z.fracture. It's a disposable address and had timed out, so it ate your email. I've enabled it, so you can use it again if you want. When I re-enabled it I started getting spam. I've changed it instead. My new email address is at the very bottom of this page. Spamgourmet rules.

What brought me back? A little incident on the bus yesterday afternoon. I'm on one of the busiest bus routes, so we get our collection of, uh, "interesting" individuals. Yesterday took the cake.

I'm sitting near the front. On climbs a lady struggling with one of those "twins" strollers. As is usual in such a case, she flipped up the front seat of the bus and slid the stroller to the side so it wasn't blocking the isle. So the stroller is now sitting directly in front of me, but it has a knitted blanket completely over it since it was a little cold. I, and most of the folks around me, are trying to get a discrete peak at the twins inside. The lady picks up on this and flips the blanket off and then starts messing with a bottle of formula.

Inside sit two absolutely beautiful little babies. One is awake, and one is asleep. The awake one has the most incredible eyes and is staring right at me.

Something isn't quite right, though. It has been staring for an awfully long time without blinking.

Then it hits me. Oh my fucking god. They're dolls. Incredibly realistic dolls. Way too freaking realistic.

The realization hits those around me at about the same time as it hit me. There are uncomfortable glances and barely audible gasps. I look at this doll staring at me, and it's stopped being beautiful and has taken on the truly distressing aura of a recently demised baby corpse.

The lady pushing these dolls around appears to be in a little world all her own. She obviously thinks they're real in her mind.

I got off the bus two stops early. I think half-a-dozen other folks did too. I'm surrounded by shuddering groans usually reserved for Fear-Factor-reindeer-anus-eating scenes.