Remove the CPU from the foil container. The CPU will appear small, but do not worry. It has been dehydrated for transport. Drop the CPU in a bowl of water, being careful not to tangle the cable harness. Start soaking the three parts of the filtration system at this point, also. Allow them to soak while you proceed with the next steps.

Open the box marked 'Main Chassis'. Inside you will find several bags. Each bag is a sub-chassis. Assemble the contents of each bag, keeping each sub-chassis separate. Connect the following sub-chassis (do not connect those not listed - it will make later steps more difficult):

• Foot(L) + Leg(L)
• Foot (R) + Leg(R)
• Insert Upper Leg(L) into Pelvis Slot(L)
• Insert Upper Leg(R) into Pelvis Slot(R)
• Hand(L) + Arm(L)
• Hand(R) + Arm(R)

It is normal for the chassis to be loose. It will become tighter when the motors are added later.

By this point, the wiring harness attached to the CPU should be moist enough to unwind. Leave the CPU soaking, but unwind the harness. Feed the cable through the chassis component marked 'Skull-Bottom'. Take the cable guides (marked 'Spine') from the chassis box. Slide the disks along the cable, being careful to align the arrows. Be sure to also feed the appropriate wires from between each disk as you proceed. If the CPU seems to fill the Skull, it has been properly hydrated. You can remove it from the water.

Now is a good time to install the video components. Match the video camera labels (L) and (R) to the skull sockets. Connect the cables to the CPU. Note that the cables will be crossed when properly installed. This is normal. Screw the chassis component 'Skull-Top' onto 'Skull-Bottom'.

Attach the bottom of the 'Spine' into Pelvis Slot(S). You may also affix chassis component 'Shoulders' to Upper Spine Slot(Sh). Affix Upper Arm(L) to Shoulder Slot(L) and Upper Arm(R) to Shoulder Slot(R). Affix Ribcage to Spine Slot(RC).

Insert ventilation component into Ribcage. Place pump between the two ventilation components. Insert the input system below the left ventilator and slide the pipe up the middle of the ribcage. The ventilator pipe will attach to the input pipe. You can then attach the input pipe to the lower Skull component. Attach the large tube from the output system to bag that makes up the lower portion of the input system. Pile the tubing below the ribcage, and leave the end that has the sealing ring dangling near the pelvis.

Place the small bag of the output system near the middle of the pelvis. The filtration components have been soaking long enough now, so place those near the pelvis. Connect Filtration Kidney(L) to Output System Bladder Input(L) and Filtration Kidney(R) to Bladder Input(R). If you have a duplication system marked (Female), toss that on top of the filtration and output system components. The pipe should point downwards towards the pelvis.

Attach motors (box may be marked 'Muscles'). This will help to hold the filtration and input/output systems onto the chassis also. You will notice the chassis is much more rugged after this step. Each motor kit has its own set of directions. Follow those direction and then return to the next step.

Now the motors are installed, you can connect them to the wiring harness. The wiring harness is carefully labeled. Connect the wires as indicated. The hydraulic system included a large roll of tubing. Attach this tubing to the indicated connectors on all of the other subsystems. We give you plenty of tubing, so you can be generous. Be sure to pay attention to the connector labels. Those marked V return the flow to the pump, those marked A carry the flow from the pump to the components. It's important not to cross these. Refer to the sheet included in the Hydraulic System box for details.

You are now almost complete. Place your completed chassis inside the container. The container is open down the back. The container has been stamped 'LEFT FOOT' in the appropriate location to help you get the container onto the chassis in the correct orientation. Seal the container using the included adhesive. Note: if you like customizing your hominids, you may wish to use something less permanent, like velcro.

You can now attach the input, output, and duplication systems to the proper holes in the container. Again, use the included adhesive. If you have duplication system marked (Male), you can now glue the external duplication connector to the container. Look for the area between the legs marked with dotted lines.

If you choose, you can now decorate your hominid with insulation. Use the picture on the box as a reference.

Congratulations! You are now ready to fill your hominid with the fluid that was included with the hydraulic system. If you have the small sized hominid, you may not use all of the fluid. This is normal. Once your hominid is full, push the jump-starter onto it's chest and watch the fun!

We hope you enjoy your new pet. Please visit our web site for further information, care and feeding instructions, breeding tips, and tricks you can teach your biped.

Can't Buy Me Love - The Beatles
Down On the Corner - CCR
The Crying Game - Culture Club
Oh Boy - Buddy Holly
Does Your Mother Know? - ABBA

      White Wedding - Billy Idol
      Crying, Waiting, and Hoping - Buddy Holly
      Constant Cravings - K.D.Lang
      I Ain't Gettin' Any - Monks

Here Comes the Snake - Cherry Popping Daddies
Whiter Shade of Pale - Annie Lennox
That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain
Paint it Black - Rolling Stones
Beat It - Michael Jackson

      I Shot the Sheriff - Warren G
      For Those About to Die - ACDC
      One Night in Bangkok - Chess
      Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley

Bad Habits - Monks
Me and You and a Dog Named Boo - Lobo
You Can't Do That - Beatles
A Horse With No Name - America
Now You're Gone! - Whitesnake
Why? - Annie Lennox

      Who's That Girl? - Eurythmics
      Psycho Killer - Talking Heads
      You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi
      Another One Bites the Dust - Queen

Night to Remember - Prism
Summer of '69 - Brian Adams
You Go To My Head - Tori Amos
Blowin' in the Wind - Joan Baez
Way Down - Tori Amos
Nobody Does It Better - Carly Simon
Coming Soon - Queen
This is the Time - Billy Joel
Chug-a-Lug - Roger Miller

    1. The Robot Novels by Isaac Asimov
    2. A World Out of Time by Larry Niven
    3. Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
    4. Have Space Suit Will Travel by Robert A. Heinlein
    5. The Apprentice Adept Series by Piers Anthony

    1. Westworld
    2. Silent Running
    3. Logan's Run
    4. Sleeper
    5. Point of No Return

    1. National Geographic
    2. Maxim
    3. eWeek
    4. Popular Science
    5. Linux Journal

    1. Monster Garage
    2. Junkyard Wars
    3. Holmes on Homes
    4. Late Night with Conan O'brien
    5. Red Dwarf

    1. Jasper and Banff National Park
    2. Disneyland / Six Flags California
    3. Hong Kong
    4. Shanghai
    5. Jamaica

You are going to get stuck in an elevator for 3 hours with Bill Gates, George W. Bush, or Gandhi. Which one do you choose, why, and what do you talk about?

This is a difficult choice. It's not clear if I'm armed or not. I'll assume I'm not. That rules out George W. Bush. I don't think I could bring myself to kill someone with my bare hands, no matter how much I wanted to. In fact, even if I were armed, I think I would end up taking the easy way out and shooting myself if forced to spend three hours with Bush. Damn morals.

Gates. Now Gates does seem to be an interesting choice. I hate a lot of the big-business that Microsoft does, but realize they've just become the ultimate description of capitalism. All political systems break down when forced to the extreme, so I have a hard time fully faulting Microsoft for what they've become. Unfortunately, I don't think Gates "is" Microsoft. I think he's probably spent so much time spouting marketing and legal nonsense that he'd probably be a really boring elevator companion. I have a feeling we'd end up talking about MS-DOS or something. I can do that with any of my geek friends (and often do), so Gates gets the shaft.

My choice would have to be Gandhi. You might think Gandhi would be an unusual choice for an outspoken atheist such as myself (I'd even call myself an antitheist). I love a good debate, and I would much rather spend time with intelligent people if given the choice. I can think of no better person to spend three hours debating religion, humanity, humanism, and the future of the world than Gandhi. This world produces so few truly great people. Gandhi was one of them. If you want to stretch it into the surreal, I would also be talking to him more than 50 years after his death. If that isn't a topic of conversation, I don't know what is.

If you had to move to the states, which state would you move to, and why? Hawaii and Alaska are off limits!

I guess Jon does read my blog very carefully, since he has obviously picked up on my very subtle dislike for some aspects of the U.S. I'm not sure how, as I take great care to conceal that aspect of my rampant Canadianism. Well, I guess you've got to expect that from a Yank.

I would have liked to choose Alaska. It's really Canada anyway, and the parts that Exxon hasn't painted black are really quite pretty. Alaska is out of bounds, though. Hawaii doesn't particularly tempt me, but I see why that's excluded. Grass skirts and me with a leaf-blower. Yes. Best not let Al near Hawaii. The bible belt is out, too. I think my bumper stickers would probably cause a lot of problems there.

I'm an absolute roller coaster fanatic. For entertainment value, I might pick California or Florida. I love Six Flags and Disney. That would certainly keep me entertained for a while.

I really liked visiting Boston. I loved the history that it exudes from its very pours. I had an interesting incident with a fifth story window there, but I don't think that'd put me off.

The problem I'm having here is the cities. I don't like big cities. I don't even particularly like the city I'm living in (Calgary), and if it's hit a million people yet, it's not by much. I grew up in a city of 12,000, and that's much more my style.

So what is small in the U.S. Not much. Definitely not the people. Oh, I think I know just the place. I hope it's not bending the rules. Bermuda. It's small, it's still fairly well equipped, it's not tropical (so I'm not wimping out with some Hawaii loophole), and it's surrounded by that handy moat (aka the Atlantic). I'm the sort of person that really likes the idea that I could drive everywhere on a little moped.

What? It's not a state? Shit. California then, I guess. I wonder if Mickey would let me ride a moped around Disneyland.

Your cat suddenly turns into a ten-foot talking lobster. How freaked-out are you?

Well, he's got the nuclear (nucular, if you're Bush) monster pose down already. He's not exactly ominous yet, though. Well, unless you're the poor schmuck (aka me) that has to brush him.

How freaked out would I be? Probably less freaked-out than Loewen. The closest he's ever come to a lobster is "may or may not contain fish by-products". I grew up on movies about irradiated ants and crabs. Ten-foot lobsters are at least within my frame of reference. A talking lobster, though. What would it talk about?

"Anything it wants to, Bob!" Ba-dum, TSHHH!

If you could choose to be born 150 years in the future, would you do it? Why? What'll it be like anyway?

Oh, yes! Damn right. I'm a futurist, so nothing could be cooler. Honestly, the only thing that bothers me about dying is that I won't get to see what happens next. Well worded question, too, so I can't get more time in addition to the present. I'm being born in 150 years, so don't get to live now. That's a shame. This is a very exciting time in which to live.

Think about this; every significant technological event that has ever happened has happened in the last 150 years. We've gone from horse-drawn carriages, and surgery without anesthetic to space stations and Mars rovers in that time. Now flip that around and try to get what will happen in the next 150 years. What sort of world will that be. Keep in mind that it isn't just a matter of estimating a similar amount of advancement. We're living on the bend of an exponential curve right now. The speed of advancement is increasing at an exponential rate.

I can ignore the obvious pessimistic view since wiping ourselves out in a nuclear holocaust pretty much means I'm not born in 150 years. So, I have to make some predictions.

The population will continue to grow, and there will have been more than one event that could be called a global plague. These will have killed well over 1-billion people. Unfortunately, most deaths will have been in the third world. There will have been some ugly "culling" incidents where people in power exterminate vast numbers of the poor in the name of protecting their own health. Those that 'have' will continue to have, and those that don't have now will have even less.

Technology wise, each member of society will have immediate and constant access to the sum total of all human knowledge. This will increase the rate of advancement ever more rapidly. The information is still accessed using external tools, but a few of the technorati are using the new neural interfaces. With these, you don't even realize you're accessing information. You simply think about things and the information is presented as memories as if you had previously memorized the answer. This has the positive effect of removing the gap between the educated and the uneducated. There are still huge numbers that simply don't have the ability/mental faculties to use the information that's supplied. They're cast aside (as they are now).

Robots will be everywhere. They'll have started out as serving staff in fast food restaurants, banks, service stations, and the like. People were already used to essentially serving themselves at these locations. The interaction with people in such cases isn't missed since the general consensus was that the level of interaction in these places was less than stellar anyway. The only people that tried to stop this were those being displaced, and they didn't have the resources to do anything about it.

Medical advances have cured auto-immune disorders (arthritis, diabetes), and many neuro-muscular problems (e.g. ALS). Robotic assistive exo-skeletons have reduced the difficulties caused by spinal injuries, strokes, and amputations, but the underlying problems still have no cure. Blindness and deafness has also been removed through external means. The solutions are satisfactory, but still far from perfect. There are still plenty of people that choose to remain a part of the blind and deaf communities and forgo the standard treatments.

You have the option of [living 300 years but never touching a woman again] or [living just another 2 years, but being the most attractive man on the planet. Women can't resist you.] Which one and why?

I'm sure glad this is just a game. I'd have to go with the 300 years, I guess. I'm a geek so long, uh, dry spells, aren't unheard-of. But still... 300 fucking years? Oh, make that 300 no-fucking years. I'm still going to stick with that choice though.

First of all, the alternative just doesn't thrill me. Endless sexy women jumping on me purely based on looks just doesn't sound that great (well, yes it does, but let me continue). I've got enough money that I could probably do that pretty frequently for the stipulated two years with high-class hookers right now, and the option doesn't tempt me in the least.

The other reason is that it sort of combines the previous question (the one about being born in 150 years) with a bonus that I still get to live the life I'm living now. You've already heard my reasoning on that one, and it applies doubly here.

Of course, I'd likely spend much of my extended lifetime perfecting my army of Cherry 2000 um, assistants.

Well, I hope I've answered the questions to your satisfaction. I certainly enjoyed doing it. If you want to be interviewed as per the rules above, leave a comment (be sure to leave a valid email address), and I'll get back to you. I can't promise that my questions will be anywhere as good as the ones I got, but I'll try. Once you've posted, I'll link to you. Perhaps that'll send a little traffic your way.

When you think 'robot', you probably envision auto-industry robot arms, or perhaps the recent developments by Honda or Sony. The robots I worked on were robot hoists that ran a coin plating line. We made coins for all over the world, including the Canadian $1 coin. The hoists were huge. They each would probably just fit in a box 10 feet on a side and 20 feet tall. They were also heavy (easily over a tonne), and fast. At top speed, you could keep up with one at a full sprint. They used hydralic motors, so they could accelerate unbelievably quickly as well.

I'm not writing in plural just for kicks. To make the software interesting, there were two hoists running on the same rails. One hoist handled the plating stations, while the other handled the etch and rinse stations. There was a section of track that both hoists shared. This let them pass barrels between each other by using a common drop-off station.

Two things made software bugs interesting. The section where the hoists overlapped, and the end of the tracks the hoists ran on. On more than one occasion I crashed the hoists together because of a bug in the host location counting routines. The software wouldn't realize they were both trying to occupy the same space. I could usually get away with that without anyone knowing since the hoists were usually running at slow speed in the hoist-overlap zone. I'd just have to run out and reset them.

Running into the end of the track was something else entirely. If a software bug sent the hoists past the end marker, it would hit the stops with a huge boom that could be heard in the parking lot. The entire three story building would shake, and the windows would rattle. One day, I repeated this little trick a half-dozen times and just couldn't figure out where I got the software wrong. As it turned out, it wasn't my fault.

The hoists tracked their position by counting metal markers at each plating station using a magnetic sensor. A helpful in-duh-vidual noticed that the metal markers were rusting, so started replacing them with stainless steel. Some of you may already be laughing. Stainless steel is not magnetic, so the hoist couldn't "see" them. The hoist would run down the track far enough to reach top speed, but then reach the spot where the markers had been replaced. It would happily crash into the end of the building at full speed while searching for a marker it would never find.

I couldn't have done all that badly, though. I ended up getting sent to Hong Kong and Shanghai for 6 weeks when our plating line technology was sold to the China Mint Company. That's a story for a different time.

The IMDB Top 100 Movies.
I've seen the ones in bold. If it's in blue, I own the DVD.

1. Godfather, The (1972)
2. Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)
3. Godfather: Part II, The (1974)
4. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, The (2003)
5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The (2002)
6. Casablanca (1942)
7. Schindler’s List (1993)
8. Shichinin no samurai (1954) (aka The Seven Samurai)
9. Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The (2001)
10. Citizen Kane (1941)
11. Star Wars (1977)
12. One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975)
13. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
14. Rear Window (1954)
15. Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
16. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
17. Memento (2000)
18. Usual Suspects, The (1995)
19. Pulp Fiction (1994)
20. North by Northwest (1959)
21. Fabuleux destin d’Amelie Poulain, Le (2001)
22. Psycho (1960)
23. 12 Angry Men (1957)
24. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
25. Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
26. Buono, il brutto, il cattivo, Il (1966)
27. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
28. Goodfellas (1990)
29. American Beauty (1999)
30. Vertigo (1958)
31. Sunset Blvd. (1950)
32. Pianist, The (2002)
33. Matrix, The (1999)
34. Apocalypse Now (1979)
35. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
36. Some Like It Hot (1959)
37. Taxi Driver (1976)
38. Paths of Glory (1957)
39. Third Man, The (1949)
40. C’era una volta il West (1968)
41. Fight Club (1999)
42. Boot, Das (1981)
43. Sen to Chihiro no kamikakushi (2001) (aka Spirited Away)
44. Double Indemnity (1944)
45. L.A. Confidential (1997)
46. Chinatown (1974)
47. Singin’ in the Rain (1952)
48. Requiem for a Dream (2000)
49. Maltese Falcon, The (1941)
50. M (1931)
51. All About Eve (1950)
52. Bridge on the River Kwai, The (1957)
53. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
54. Se7en (1995)
55. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
56. Cidade de Deus (2002)
57. Raging Bull (1980)
58. Wizard of Oz, The (1939)
59. Rash?mon (1950)
60. Sting, The (1973)
61. American History X (1998)
62. Alien (1979)
63. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)
64. Leon (The Professional) (1994)
65. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)
66. Vita bella, La (1997) (aka Life Is Beautiful)
67. Touch of Evil (1958)
68. Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)
69. Wo hu cang long (2000) (aka Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon)
70. Treasure of the Sierra Madre, The (1948)
71. Great Escape, The (1963)
72. Clockwork Orange, A (1971)
73. Reservoir Dogs (1992)
74. Annie Hall (1977)
75. Amadeus (1984)
76. Jaws (1975)
77. Ran (1985)
78. On the Waterfront (1954)
79. Modern Times (1936)
80. High Noon (1952)
81. Braveheart (1995)
82. Apartment, The (1960)
83. Sixth Sense, The (1999)
84. Fargo (1996)
85. Aliens (1986)
86. Shining, The (1980)
87. Blade Runner (1982)
88. Strangers on a Train (1951)
89. Duck Soup (1933)
90. Metropolis (1927)
91. Finding Nemo (2003)
92. Donnie Darko (2001)
93. Toy Story 2 (1999)
94. Princess Bride, The (1987)
95. General, The (1927)
96. City Lights (1931)
97. Lola rennt (1998) (Run Lola Run)
98. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
99. Notorious (1946)
100. Sjunde inseglet, Det (1957)

These are from the IMDB bottom 100.
The count goes from 1 (worst) to 100 (only slightly less worse).
I've deleted the ones I haven't seen. I actually enjoyed two of these. Your guess which.

15. Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997)
16. Police Academy: Mission to Moscow (1994)
17. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
19. Leonard Part 6 (1987)
21. Hercules in New York (1970)
22. Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1996)
23. It's Pat (1994)
26. Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
32. Smokey and the Bandit III (1983)
33. Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)
41. Rollerball (2002)
47. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie (1995)
53. Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992)
61. RoboCop 3 (1993)
63. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987)
73. Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)
76. Avengers, The (1998)
79. Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
83. Freddy Got Fingered (2001)
89. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1978)
96. Batman & Robin (1997)
97. Pet Sematary II (1992)
99. Bio-Dome (1996)
100. Leprechaun (1993)