Dear Santa,

My name is Jimmy. I was a good boy all year.

This was particularly difficult for me what with my history of playground extortion, stealing candybars, and setting fires. I managed to do it though because I knew you'd make it worth my while. With that in mind, I'm sure you'll understand my disappointment when I say what the FUCK do I want with a Travel Scrabble game? Ok. If it was like a crap gift that I got along with some good loot, fine, but this was MY MAIN FUCKING GIFT!

The last time I did any traveling was in the back of a fucking cop car when they took me to juvi. Maybe next time that happens I can ask the cop if he wants to play a game of TRAVEL FUCKING SCRABBLE while he's driving me to be processed? It's sure to happen soon, too, since it's obviously not worth all that good-boy crap. I feel one of my "urges" coming on. Are Scrabble tiles flammable?

Keep your lousy games to yourself. Next year, I'll just take the lump of coal. Oh, and a pack of matches.

Your friend,
Jimmy.