Before I start this story, I have to tell you it's not from personal experience. I don't even have any idea where I heard it from. It's got a sort of Penthouse-letters feel to it, so I'm guessing its origins are from somewhere like that. I "read" plenty of those going through highschool. So, with no further delays...

My girlfriend and I had been going out for long enough that we were starting to get really comfortable with each other. We'd recently started telling each other about mildly kinky stuff we'd like to try during sex and that sort of thing.

One day, my girlfriend is being all flirty. We're really getting warmed up with a few drinks and some sexy talk and what not. She says she's got a new toy she'd like me to use on her. I'm already starting to pitch a tent in my shorts, so she could tell me to act like a smurf and I'd run and get a can of blue paint.

She pulls this Chinese-looking box out of the bedside table. Really fancy. As she opens the lid, she tells me she bought some Ben-Wa Balls. I have no idea what she means. The thing sitting in the box looks exactly like Wilma Flintstone's necklace. You know, a bunch of ping-pong balls attached along a piece of string. Well, that's pretty much what this thing is.

She starts telling me what to do with them, all the time being really sexy and keeping me worked up. The deal is that I'm supposed to lube these balls up real good. As we're going at it hot and heavy I'm supposed to, get this: start popping them up her bum nice and slow. One at a time. The whole string of them is supposed to go in (there's like a half-dozen balls), and then I just leave the end of the string hanging there.

Uh-huh. Sure honey. No problem. Happy to help.

Things are going really great now. They always do when we start trying the new stuff. I'm hammering away like a mad man, but I'm still remembering to shove one of the Ben-Wa ping-pong balls up her bum every so often. She's really enjoying this, too.

We're getting close now, and she starts panting out a few more instructions. She tells me that when she says, I'm supposed to pull the Ben-Wa balls back out.

Gotcha. No problem.

"Ok, start pulling them out, honey!", she says.

Now, you understand that the idea is to gently pop them out, one at a time, while she's coming, and it'll really blow her mind.

Ok. Well, you see, at the time I didn't quite grasp the whole concept. I'm just an ol' country boy. What do I know? I wrap the string around my hand and give it a good old yank like I'm pull-starting a ¾-horse Briggs and Stratton mulching mower. Brrr-r-r-r-a-A-P-P.

Well, she lets out a yelp, followed by a huge fart, and then shoots a stream of shit up the dressing table and across the TV.

The passion kind of died out right about there. Kind of stayed dead for a couple of weeks too.

I know how to use them Ben-Wa balls now... but they pretty much stay in the box they came in.